Envelopes

E for Envelopes for Shagun

Shagun Envelopes are a popular sight  for a Punjabi Wedding. What they are - Well plain and simple gift in cash covered up in nicely decorated envelopes to be handed over at various occasions during the wedding to the bride or the groom or to both and sometimes to the relatives of the bride and groom as well.

In my brother's wedding I realized , that envelope handling is a department in itself and it needs experts to manage it. Since an Indian wedding is a series of big and small customs, a lot of "give and take" of envelope happens over the two day affair. The amount inside the envelope is not of much consequence, but what is important is that if you are a relative you must carry a good number of envelopes with you, which you can keep doling as and when the Pundit instructs.

Similarly,  as a host also, you need to give these shagun envelopes at various occasions, some of which I told you about in my post on door stopper. So some tips for the wedding planner from my side would be:

1. Take atleast 4-5 colour or pattern envelopes
2. Keep different denominations in different colours. You can keep denominations ranging from Rs 50 to ????  Well, actually there is no maximum limit, you can draw the line wherever you want. But mostly a custom like Juta Churai (i will talk about this when we come to J) wins by good margins when it comes to the booty in the envelope.
3. It would be good to make a list of customs, number of people who will be at the receiving end for these customs and also the amount you would want to give away as shagun. (token of gratitude or blessing)
4. Also please do keep a good number of plain unmarked envelopes. This is for a surprise which the Pundit ji (Hindu Priest) will give you at the last minute, and also for those unorganised and unprepared guests who will not be carrying their envelopes and would in turn request you to give them one so that they can put in their blessings in form of cash and give it to the bride or the groom.

What I have come to understand, this envelope business is more seen in a North Indian wedding. Personally I am not very comfortable with it as it becomes an unwanted burden on both the side, and here I am not talking about the money involved, but the hassle of logistics and planning involved around it as well.

Star of day 5 - Have a look at an amazing artpiece by Kathy Combs. She is in love with Zentangles and her passion shows in her drawings,

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Door Stopper

                                                  D for Door Blocking

When they say Indian Weddings are fun, it is more because even the character artists in the whole drama called wedding, are given good enough footage. Door Blocking, is one such custom, which not only gets some light moments for the family and guests, but also makes relatives of the bride feel "wanted".

Door Blocking, in hindi called "Darwaza Rukai" is done in various forms at various times by different people. Some of those moments are:

1. When the groom gets ready to sit on his mare and proceed for Baraat (Hope you read that post), his sisters and cousins block the door and do not allow him to go. Basically all these customs are also money minting techniques, and the only way to appease the door stopper is to bribe her with an envelope with a decent amount of money.

2. The sisters really get the cream when it comes to such money making customs. Yet another time when they are at guard, is when the bride is entering the home after her "Vidaai" (basically see off by her folks). Poor girl, she anyways is not happy leaving her home and coming to a new place. and to top it, she is being extorted for money to enter the new house. Actually this is where her ragging starts. In many places after she does get the permission to come inside the house, she has to bow to a covered heap, which is said to be the family deity. And what it actually turns out is a pair of shoes. Mean no !!! But these are the memories which make weddings fun and giggly. 

3. Another moment when the sister in laws get lucky with the door stopping gimmick, is at a time when the Groom is at a very vulnerable stage. They catch the fish just at the right time. This is when the groom is all ready for his wedding night and  is dying to to enter the room, where his bride is waiting. And the evil SILs would just not let him go till he butters them adequately.

4.Some families also have a custom of door stopping of the groom by the Bride's mother. This is when the Baraat arrives at the wedding venue. The mother must pull the Groom's nose before he is allowed to enter.

So that was D for you. Ofcourse D also stands for Daaru, which is an integral part of the North Indian wedding. It is the license to let it loose and be "high" on "spirits"..well literally. D also also stands for Dholak, which is the soul of Indian weddings, with all the folk songs of that region being sung on the beats of Dholak. 

Hope you are enjoying the A to Z of Indian Weddings. Do stay tuned for more.

The star Blog Post for Day 4 on D is Suzy who is putting together the jigsaw puzzle of life today. And today's piece is Destiny. Do read her series if you are looking for some answers.

Till we meet again ... Keep the Doors of your heart open for me!!!

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Chai Time

                                                      C for Chai-Shai 

So after two days of tradition talking, I thought I will get something hot and steamy for my post for today.

Well ..Well.. Well... I can see those eyes rolling and the naughty minds going on a trip ... But hold your horses (and nothing else *wink *wink), we are still talking Indian Weddings and one of the most crucial element of a successful wedding plan is to have uninterrupted and hassle free supply of a hot and steamy cup of Chai. (Chai (Tea) is the most popular hot beverage, specially in North India)

A lot happens over a cup of chai in the weddings. It can range from gossip, to matchmaking, to folk songs to controversies. Yes, you heard me right. Chai is a touchy topic, and everyone in India has his own way of making his cup of tea. And when such diverse tastes and preferences meet in a wedding, we are all set for a "masala chai " .. the only difference being that the masala is more around tea than in the tea.

A chai controversy can happen over anything, right from the time it was served, to the number of times its was served, from too less sugar to too much sugar, and the list goes on. This insight has come from close observation and experience. In my family my maternal and paternal sides are at the two ends of the spectrum when it comes to tea. One side loves brew tea with no sugar and few drops of milk and the other side wants milk,sugar and tea all in abundance with a few drops of water. So when it came to making both the parties happy with the chai arrangements, it was a big challenge. But as we were well prepared for this tiff well in advance, we had made separate arrangements for both kinds and no one had to compromise.

As someone wisely said

“A simple cup of tea is far from a simple matter.” 
― Mary Lou Heiss

Chai can be replaced by coffee in some places and cocktail in others, but the moot point is that this is one thing you cannot go wrong with, if you want your guests to leave the wedding with happy memories.

Read this post over a hot cuppa  chai....

Star Post for Day 3 ... In love with stories ..more so love stories..well there is one in making with lots of drama and emotions. Check out Srilakshmi's blog for her A to Z story.








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Band Baaja Baraat

B for Baraat

North Indian weddings are all about opulence, vibrance and a lot of noise. Baraat, a Bridegrooms wedding procession, in which the Bridegroom with his family and friends (called Baraati) goes to the venue of wedding to wed his bride, wins by great margins when it comes to pomp and show, lights and glow and excitement overflow.

If you happen to be in north India during the peak wedding season, which is mostly from February to April or November – December, and are staying in the vicinity of wedding venues,  do not expect a peaceful sleep in the nights. Every alternate evening you will have Band, Baja & Baraat knocking on your eardrums with loud Bollywood music, flashing lights, fireworks and a group of 35-50 people dancing to Dhol beats. As a kid I still remember how for every passing Baraat I along with my brothers used to rush to the balcony to watch Baraats. It was always fun to see so many people dancing on the streets making funny gestures while shaking legs, and the Band playing some all time hits, some new and some "must play" Baraat songs.

The baraat has a Bridegroom sitting on a well decorated mare, with his turban and sword (almost looks like a kid in a fancy dress) and he is the most sober of the lot. Rest of the Baraatis, totally high on music and dance, walk towards the wedding venue.

One of the song which is played in each Baraat and has always left me wondering, what could be the relevance if a patriotic song to a wedding.:

"Yeh Desh Hai Veer Jawaano Ka, Albelo Ka, Mastaano Ka ..Is Desh ka Yaron...Hoyeeee...Kya Kehna"

(This is a patriotic song and means ..This country is of brave young hearts, carefree people ... and this country cant be praised enough"

Have a look . Click Here for the video

Contrast to a Punjabi Baraat, a Rajput Baraat is more royal, regal and silent. They do not have jumping jacks going berserk after each song. They also do not have the female glamour, as only male family members join the procession, all dressed in finery, turbans and carrying a sword. 

I feel the idea behind a Baraat and its high voltage drama is to go all out in expressing the happiness and excitement of welcoming a new member to the family. The marriage is not between the two people, but between to families, and Baraat is the onset of that life long extravaganza.

The procession finally ends with "Milni" where the Baraatis are welcomed by the bride's family with garlands and warm hugs. 

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As promised I will feature that one A to Z post each day which connected with me or made me "Ask for more" With such amazing and innumerable posts around, this is a hard task I took upon myself. Everyone has written with passion and most of them struck the chord.

But a promise is promise. So here are my star posts of Day 1 & Day 2. 

Day 1 Star

Does your heart goes out for travel..Well, then  do not miss Eli's A to Z 26 day world tour. In her first post she takes us to Athens to see Acropolis 

Day 2 Star

Has anyone till date cracked the complex puzzle called marriage. Well I still am waiting to meet one. But Shilpa seems to have a great insight . The ease of her words will  surely connect with you. Check her post on Balance in marriage

Ascetic groom

Well, first of all a disclaimer is called for. Do not expect too many words of wisdom and tips for arranging an Indian wedding in these posts. What actually is at offer are the snippets of my close encounters with Indian weddings. After having spent almost 34 years on this planet earth, and that too in India and that too in North India, sharing few interesting trvia of an Indian wedding, is all that I will do.

Also although I will be sharing my thoughts about my rendezvous with various regional Indian weddings, but since my first hand experience has been in North Indian weddings, most of the anecdotes will take reference from there. Also if I am talking about the "Bigness and fatness" of weddings I have nowhere to go but to North India.

A for the Ascetic Groom

So here we begin our A to Z of the Big Fat Indian Wedding.

All Indian weddings are a heap of traditions and rituals, being followed from almost the stone age.  They might have had  relevance in the context of yester years, but now nobody has any time or inclination to look at the thought behind them as long as they are good enough to keep all the guests engaged.

One of such ritual enactment is done at the Groom's side. On the day of the wedding or a day prior, the Groom pretends to be ascetic and on the verge of renouncing the world. He wants be a scholar and go for Kashi for his studies. This is like a final opportunity for the groom to leave before the bride enters his life. Midst of all the fun and frolic and the ongoing ceremonies, he has to  leave the marriage hall in half clad clothes. (Generally a dhoti tied to waist) He then has to be persuaded by his sister to come back and get married. The sister should dissuade him from  further studies and bring him back to worldly ways of leading a life. In Tamil weddings, the relatives or father of the bride are given the task to get the groom back.

All the rituals and traditions in the hindu wedding, have a symbolic, spiritual or philosophical meaning. Like the ritual of ascetic groom, would have been quite relevant in good old days, when the knots were tied in the childhood. And before you actually took the responsibility of your bride and the family, it was important that you had the required education or skills to fend  for yourself.

On my brother's wedding day too , my brother was told to leave the hall and go for further studies and I had to go, talk, convince and get him back. Well that was easy... I just had to tell him that higher studies was a great idea and he should pursue it, but that can wait till the wedding. These days they do have option of married hostels easily available in the campus.

Another A of wedding not to be missed

Aunties : If you have been to a north Indian wedding, you would have seen, that the charm and excitement of the hoopla hovers around those middle aged and old ladies, who have a song ready for each occasion. They are also the ones who will be cracking most of those funny "Non Veg" jokes to add up spice in the air. A bundle of giggles and heap of gossip ,the "Aunties" make the Indian Weddings fun.

So the A to Z trivia of the Indian Wedding starts from today. Do tune in everyday, same place but different times, to ravel into the extravaganza.

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